The Impact of Abandonment on Our Lives
In “Set Yourself Free”, Shirley Smith discusses the concept of codependency, which refers to the state of compromising one's true self to survive. However, as humans, we have a natural vulnerability at birth, which makes it difficult for us to survive without care.
This means that the way we are treated by our caregivers can significantly impact who we become.
Furthermore, our parents' own experiences and upbringing can also shape their behaviour and influence how they treat us. As a result, our early experiences can have long-lasting effects on our lives.
According to Ms. Smith, dependency demands include essential needs like nutrition, clothing, shelter, healthcare, emotional and physical nurture, counselling for sexual behaviour, and financial education.
When these demands are not met, whether intentionally or due to negligence, a child can feel abandoned.
For instance, I recall feeling abandoned when my father instructed me to act like a grown-up during my brother's funeral when I was only five years old. This sense of expectation followed me throughout my life, and I found myself turning to alcohol to cope with the pressure.
Forms of Abandonment
Abandonment can take many forms, such as being neglected as a child or dealing with sexual predators without any protection from parents. Even brief instances of being left alone as a child can leave a lasting impact on our lives. It is crucial to seek professional help if you believe that you are struggling with abandonment issues.
The Dangers of Addiction
Addiction can be a difficult habit to break, even when we know it's harmful to our health. However, continuing to feed an addiction can ultimately lead to our demise. I know this from personal experience.
After my first marriage ended in my early twenties, I turned to drinking to cope with the pain. Unfortunately, I didn't stop drinking until I was 45 years old. As a result, I struggled with business failures and lost the ability to care for myself. Eventually, I sought help from my doctor, Wes, who informed me that my liver was severely damaged and would never fully recover. Although my blood results have improved, I now have to limit my fruit intake to two pieces a day to avoid overloading my liver.
It's crucial to seek help when we are struggling with abandonment issues or addiction. These issues can have long-lasting effects on our lives, but with the right support and treatment, we can overcome them and move forward towards a healthier and happier life.
When I Am Disturbed
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation —
Some fact of my life — unacceptable to me,And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.” Alcoholics Anonymous (the Book)