What the hell is Grace?
I have not met a Christian or Atheist, a Buddhist or any otherist that has satisfied my enquiry on the Grace of God.
But I believe I have it.
That may be the end of it!
Yesterday I had a discussion with my sober Christian friend BBQ Bob. I said, “BBQ Bob, why are you and I sober and thousands of others who have had a similar opportunity to stay sober, are not?”
Do you know what BBQ said?
He said, “I dunno!”. That is the only truthful answer. It is a MYSTERY as to who stays sober and who stays bound — in the grips of the most evil mental/physical/spiritual malaise that I know of.
Looking backward, I see that for many years I had many opportunities to get sober. I was in a Psychiatrist chair at the age of 20 trying to save my marriage and sanity!!! It was agreed at that early stage that I had a drinking problem and that a period of sobriety would see some of my other problems improve.
I went on a 6 month Mystery Madness Tour drinking beer only with an alcohol rating of 0.9% (Swan Premium Light). In the period of my psychiatric sabbatical, my wife and I hosted our own 21st Birthday party at home and I ended the night stone cold insane and kicked everybody out in a fit of rage at their outrageous drunken behavior.
Shortly afterward when I returned to my old drunken ways, my wife called our marital bliss off and I was home again with Mum and Dad (the Enablers).
That was 1984
In 2006, October, I crawled into AA to prove to my girlfriend that they couldn’t help me. I was right.
Between 1984 and 2006 I had hardly had a day off drinking. For a while, I was a ‘functional alcoholic’ and then, I was a daily top up -fall down, completely pissed-all-the-time drunk.
From that first meeting, I went back to the well five more times in a bit under two and a half years before Grace slapped me in the face. (That’s another story!)
They say, “Stay around until the miracle happens”, but most don’t and I did. So, “WHY ME?”. I dunno.
Until there is some scientific break-through in the field of cosmology I’m sure I won’t understand Grace. On March 9th, 2008 I had my first sober day in this recovery. I am VERY CAREFUL how I word the statistics around my sobriety because I never want to take anything for granted and I don’t underestimate the flimsiness of sobriety. If I drink today then I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow.
This thing I am fairly certain of.
There is little chance that the man that walked into that room nearly ten years ago could get sober by his own means, yet here I am.
My teacher Kelsang T. described to me that when you ask for the Buddha’s help they all jump up with glee and exclaim joyfully, something like, “Yipee, Mike wants our help, Yipee!”
I call this Grace, and I call it often.